last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
