Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my poor anus
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
