So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
sarcasm needs its own font
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
