nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
