garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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