There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize