I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
