omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
