The maid of honor just puked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
