Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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