Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
