Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
