where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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