my mouth tastes like poor choices
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
