I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
