hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
