I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
