I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
