Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
