Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
