I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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