if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
