Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
