Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize