I think I won the penis lottery.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
