Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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