I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All the doctor said was why
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
