I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize