he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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