Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
