she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
