Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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