I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have post one night stand depression
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