so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
