I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
