This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
