Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
