My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
