Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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