Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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