it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
