Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
