We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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