Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
