We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
