She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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