His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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