I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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