It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
