i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
