I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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