We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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