i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
