new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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