the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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