I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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