dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
