don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
