Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
