In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Come on in and take your pants off
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