i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You left your phone here
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