Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
