PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
