Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
