I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
