AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
