Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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