Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hippo gnu deer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
