Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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