im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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