Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I could make wine with my vomit
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
